Well, once again... i was more or less correct in what I thought. I wanted more. He didn't.
Men... God's greatest mistake.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Confusion after the green monster
So it's another day and I still don't know what to think. I'm probably jumping to conclusions as I tend to do. But there was so much talk leading up to this weekend... All week long it was "when are ya gonna be here? are ya off work yet?" "i'm soooo hungry".. part of me felt like he was more excited that I was bringing food than he was to see me. I've run pretty much every scenario through my head as to why there might be greasy hand prints on his headboard and they all lead me to the same conclusion.
I sent him a text shortly after I left asking him "is it me or did things seem kinda weird this weekend?" I haven't yet gotten an answer and I can't help but to think that he isn't going to answer me. Of course, that's just jumping to conclusions again. In all likelihood, his phone is on his nightstand and he hasn't looked at it yet.
I know he wasn't feeling well this weekend, and that is probably why things felt weird. It's just hard to like a guy so much and feel deep down that you don't think the feeling is mutual.
I can't tell you how many times I almost brought up the subject of "us" and what we are; dating, just friends, etc. But each and every time, I was afraid to ask. As up front and as straightforward as I like to be, some things I'm just afraid to talk about for fear that the answer might not be the one I'm looking for.
I sent him a text shortly after I left asking him "is it me or did things seem kinda weird this weekend?" I haven't yet gotten an answer and I can't help but to think that he isn't going to answer me. Of course, that's just jumping to conclusions again. In all likelihood, his phone is on his nightstand and he hasn't looked at it yet.
I know he wasn't feeling well this weekend, and that is probably why things felt weird. It's just hard to like a guy so much and feel deep down that you don't think the feeling is mutual.
I can't tell you how many times I almost brought up the subject of "us" and what we are; dating, just friends, etc. But each and every time, I was afraid to ask. As up front and as straightforward as I like to be, some things I'm just afraid to talk about for fear that the answer might not be the one I'm looking for.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The deployment continues
So Scott's deployment has been underway for about 2 weeks now, give or take. Lynn and I have adjusted to it pretty well, but we both fear that the worst is still to come with matthew. He has gotten a bit more rebellious since scott left... trying to get away with more stuff.. It can be a bit overwhelming... Susan tells us that it's only going to get worse around the one month mark... we shall see... I totally dread the one month mark at this point though. LOL.
I have taken to spending the weekends away from the house because it allows me to truly take a break from the children. It's the only way I can maintain a bit of sanity in my own mind. I know that Lynn is going through this too, and I need to be a bit more willing to help her out outside my normal hours, but I also don't want her to get upset with me when I refuse to work on sundays. she keeps asking, even though I firmly stand by the fact that it is my unconditional day off no matter what. Unless there's some sort of emergency... but mani's and pedi's don't count, no matter how bad you need them.
I was a little sad that EVERYBODY got a 4 day weekend for memorial day... except me... I worked both friday and will be workin, more than likely, the whole day Monday, Memorial Day. It kind of sucks because I generally try to take time during Memorial Day, no matter where I am to go to a parade, or partake in some sort of event that shows respect for those that have fallen. This year I'll be tending to the children.
It's only been two weeks and it seems like it's been so much longer. I wonder how weird it will be when he comes home.
I have taken to spending the weekends away from the house because it allows me to truly take a break from the children. It's the only way I can maintain a bit of sanity in my own mind. I know that Lynn is going through this too, and I need to be a bit more willing to help her out outside my normal hours, but I also don't want her to get upset with me when I refuse to work on sundays. she keeps asking, even though I firmly stand by the fact that it is my unconditional day off no matter what. Unless there's some sort of emergency... but mani's and pedi's don't count, no matter how bad you need them.
I was a little sad that EVERYBODY got a 4 day weekend for memorial day... except me... I worked both friday and will be workin, more than likely, the whole day Monday, Memorial Day. It kind of sucks because I generally try to take time during Memorial Day, no matter where I am to go to a parade, or partake in some sort of event that shows respect for those that have fallen. This year I'll be tending to the children.
It's only been two weeks and it seems like it's been so much longer. I wonder how weird it will be when he comes home.
Does the little green monster really truly exist?
So I find my self (finally) in the situation where I'm dating someone... at least i think so. We haven't really had the discussion as to whether or not we're just friends or we're dating, and we certainly haven't gone as far as having the talk of exclusivity. We've been seeing each other for about a month and he seems to be pretty secretive about his life. I try to tell him as much about my life as he wants to know, but I don't know much about his beyond his likes and dislikes or where he works.
Now like I said, it's only been about a month, and we don't see each other during the week because of my work schedule. But that fact aside, i spend every weekend at his house. We sleep in the same bed, we cuddle, we kiss and all seems well.. but so far, he has dodged every sexual advance I have made with the exception of one, which went unreciprocated. I finally got him to reveal that last night he just wasn't in the mood... this leads me to believe that he is just not that sexual of a person... fine... but then explain to me the greasy handprints on your headboard... there are two of them and these hands are much smaller than your own. All signs point to him having somebody else over in that bed, and I don't think they were just cuddling... so why is he doing these things with somebody else when I have been trying like hell to get him to do them with me? I don't know... but it seems to make me jealous that he is sharing one of the 2 biggest things I want from him with somebody else.
Now all that being said, we haven't had the talk of whether or not we're just friends or dating, or what we are for that matter. And there has not been any talk of exclusivity or anything, so I really don't know what to think... I just know what I feel and I feel that he is hiding that part of his life from me becase he would much rather be sharing it with someone else.
Call me crazy!! LOL... I'm just really insecure about relationships having been completely non-stop single for over 3 years (more like 5ish). I tend to question everything when it involves somebody i'm possibly dating. I question why they aren't as open about stuff as I am, I question why they didn't want to hang out last weekend... but some things set off more than red flags than others, and I think that's why I'm feeling even more apprehensive about persuing this relationship any further. I know that my mind could be put at ease simply by talking to him about it... but some people are extremely put off by those conversations especially so early in the relationship and I'd be way too afraid to screw things up, especially if he felt they were going well.
But like I said..once again, we've only been "dating" a month or so... so who knows where this is going to go... I guess only time will tell. Part of life is the experience. We revel in the good ones, and learn from the bad ones, so I'll take whatever I get.
Remember what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
BTW, please use the comments section. I would like as much advice as I can get. Thanks all!
~S~
Now like I said, it's only been about a month, and we don't see each other during the week because of my work schedule. But that fact aside, i spend every weekend at his house. We sleep in the same bed, we cuddle, we kiss and all seems well.. but so far, he has dodged every sexual advance I have made with the exception of one, which went unreciprocated. I finally got him to reveal that last night he just wasn't in the mood... this leads me to believe that he is just not that sexual of a person... fine... but then explain to me the greasy handprints on your headboard... there are two of them and these hands are much smaller than your own. All signs point to him having somebody else over in that bed, and I don't think they were just cuddling... so why is he doing these things with somebody else when I have been trying like hell to get him to do them with me? I don't know... but it seems to make me jealous that he is sharing one of the 2 biggest things I want from him with somebody else.
Now all that being said, we haven't had the talk of whether or not we're just friends or dating, or what we are for that matter. And there has not been any talk of exclusivity or anything, so I really don't know what to think... I just know what I feel and I feel that he is hiding that part of his life from me becase he would much rather be sharing it with someone else.
Call me crazy!! LOL... I'm just really insecure about relationships having been completely non-stop single for over 3 years (more like 5ish). I tend to question everything when it involves somebody i'm possibly dating. I question why they aren't as open about stuff as I am, I question why they didn't want to hang out last weekend... but some things set off more than red flags than others, and I think that's why I'm feeling even more apprehensive about persuing this relationship any further. I know that my mind could be put at ease simply by talking to him about it... but some people are extremely put off by those conversations especially so early in the relationship and I'd be way too afraid to screw things up, especially if he felt they were going well.
But like I said..once again, we've only been "dating" a month or so... so who knows where this is going to go... I guess only time will tell. Part of life is the experience. We revel in the good ones, and learn from the bad ones, so I'll take whatever I get.
Remember what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
BTW, please use the comments section. I would like as much advice as I can get. Thanks all!
~S~
Monday, May 10, 2010
The deployment begins
So my brother, Scott deployed this morning on his 4 month tour aboard the USNS Mercy. I surely thought I'd be able to handle it, but seeing how it affected Matthew (my nephew) got me all choked up inside. It's going to be an interesting summer without him here. Most of my friends on the island are also part of this deployment, so I'll also have the entire summer with mostly no friends...the concept is a little scary to me. We shall see how it all goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)