To Date, or not To Date

I know, it sounds like a no brainer, right?  Nobody really thinks that they would ever ask themselves that question….but then it just creeps right up on you. 

 

Here is my situation:

I live in Hawaii, I’m planning on moving in a year.  The only thing that would keep me here is a truly (and I mean truly) phenomenal job OR if I’m in a relationship that I didn’t want to leave.  I’ve recently signed up for Match.com and been answering a number of dating ads.  Now part of me feels like I’m setting myself up for disappointment in the end because let’s say I do get into a relationship that I like.  Is a year enough time to determine if I should stay here for him or is that just not enough time.  Am I better off waiting until I move to California and then attempting to date there?

So here are the prospective dates:

The first guy has been totally sweet in our online conversations together.  We have a lot in common and have very similar interests.  We’re compatible on so many levels.  We’re trying to plan to meet this weekend. 

There’s another guy that is significantly older than me, but shares my ideals and future plans.  But he’s nearly 15 years older than I am. 

Then there’s the guy who wants no sort of relationship whatsoever.  He just wants….let’s say a physical sort of relationship (you know what I mean).  Am I better off with him in the interim while I develop my plans to move?  Or should I pursue something greater in hopes that in a year either I’ll want to stay or he’ll want to come with me?

 

Decisions decisions.  Who should be the winner in this contest?  Or should I even try at all?  Guy number 1 would be my first choice, but I don’t know if I even want to risk the future drama if I decide to leave anyway and he doesn’t’ want to come with me.

 

Opinions please!!!!

The Friends We Keep

It has recently come to my attention that true friends are quite rare. Through the years you meet many, and while you may call them "friend" they are not so at all.

Since my relocation to Hawaii, I have made many "friends". Or shall I call them acquaintances? Let's discuss the difference:

Acquaintances: These are people with whom you might develop a business relationship. You use the term "friend" loosely to describe a form of understanding between people. These so-called "friends" don't ever call you...that is unless they need something. Likewise the other way around. You would never call these people unless you needed something. For example, you worked in a very high up management position in a very reputable company. You made several acquaintances during your time there. People you saw every day and greeted often. You have not worked for this company in over a year... and it's been that long since you've talked to these people. Now lets take this same situation and apply it towards the present. Your dream job is available and you have all the qualifications. I bet you would call these "friends" of yours from your old company to see if they will endorse you as the perfect "man for the job". You've essentially used this person for their credibility. Friends don't do that to friends. Just the same, friends don't allow their friends to do that to them.

And this is where we differentiate between "friends" and true friends. True friends are simpler to define and describe. You wouldn't need to ask a true friend for such a favor because he or she would have already written the recommendation. You wouldn't have to ask a true friend for any sort of help, because he or she would have already offered it. Your true friends know that they can turn to you, no matter what time of day or night when they need somebody to talk to. And a true friend always answers that call.

There are fine lines of trust between true friends. Things that seem so small and harmless can obliterate that trust. So I invite you all to think long and hard about those you call your true friends. Are they really your friends, or just another acquaintance?

Energy Drinks, Working out and Disney!

Ok, the title is a little strange, but then again, you're reading this, so it's done it's job.

I recently got back into working our regularly...thank goodness. The years of smoking are definitely making themselves known. Lung capacity isn't quite what it should be. But almost 2 years smoke free and it's getting better. The only way to make the process faster is regular exercise. So I find myself going to the fitness center at least 3x per week. I'd like to eventually get a routine going so that I'm going Monday through Friday... but easy does it at first, and we'll see if I can increase frequency later.

I originally started my gym visits back in march or april. A few visits per week, but I could only handle about 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then I took a break of about 3 months. With Scott gone, it was getting tough to balance work with personal time. There tended to be more work than free time so I started putting off the gym. And it got put off for 3 months. So now that I'm back in the habit of going, I've added a pre-workout energy drink to help me extend the amount of time I can do my cardio.

The company that makes my particular energy drink, I've recently discovered, has several other products that i thought I should try to see which one works the best for me. Here are my results thus far:

RedLine: So far my favorite as far as workout quality and post workout characteristics. I get the boost of energy I need and can generally do a workout of one lap walk (3.5 mph) one lap jog (6.5 mph) and keep up that pace for 16 laps (4 miles). Afterward, sleep (regardless of my pre-existing insomnia issues) is still a possibility. I tend to stay up about an hour later than usual, but I'm willing to accept that for a greater workout result.

RedLine Xtreme: A more potent version of original RedLine. Works wonderfully. FANTASTIC workout. I nearly got 5 miles before the treadmill cut me off at the 1hour mark. I would have been able to continue for at least another 2 miles. But there were a couple of more intense drawbacks. First, the flushed feeling. Have you ever gone running or jogging on a hot summer day with very little wind and the sun high in the sky? You know that overwhelming full body, pulsating "warm" feeling you get. It almost feels like your skin is "glowing" with heat? That's what I got off of this drink beginning within 5 minutes of consuming it. Now the energy boost was impressive. This time I was able to walk 1 lap, jog 3 laps and keep that pace for the first couple miles. Then down to walk 1 jog 2 for a mile and then alternate every lap thereafter. I was so incredibly impressed with this drink.....until I tried to go to bed that night. After 5 miles, I still hadn't spent enough energy to allow myself to sleep. So I turn to the assistance of Unisom...no dice... so then Melatonin...nope, not that either. So I ended up laying in my bed awake all night. I finally got to sleep at 4am only to awake at 10am to continue my saturday. So the workout...AWESOME, but not awesome enough to outweigh the sleep deprivation. So I don't really like this one anymore.

Meltdown: The sales associate at the Vitamin Shoppe insisted that it works as well as original redline, but with more ingredients for mental acuity. I made it a mere 2 miles before I was completely exhausted. Simply not worth it to me. Granted, I came and was tired enough that I could probably lay my head down and go to sleep..which is quite rare, it didn't seem to do anything to help the workout.

Now the next one I have to try is called BANG! It's a 16 oz drink. You're supposed to drink half before your workout and the other half during. This is a different concept to me considering I'm used to an 8oz drink consumed before the workout. I'm going to save this one for the weekend just in case there are sleep issues.

Now for the Disney thing. I'm sure you'll love this. So one of the reasons that I enjoy these particular treadmills is the fact that they come with cable tv. I generally watch whatever is on and today it happened to be the disney channel. StarStruck had just come on. It's a relatively decent straight to tv movie that I have seen before. Taking care of kids all day, I tend to have more of an interest in the disney channel than normal people...or so I thought. First thing to consider is that the treadmill was tuned to that channel before I even got there, meaning that somebody else was watching it. On my way home from the fitness center, I occasionally notice some of the houses that i pass on my way that have their blinds wide open. I happened to notice 3 different households watching the exact same movie on the disney channel that I was watching. Granted the families that live in this particular community almost all have kids, I was noticing that these shows were on in rooms that I believe to be the master bedrooms. So it seems that the parents are watching these shows.

So now I wonder if I am not the only adult that actually enjoys watching the disney channel. Is it a top secret guilty pleasure of today's adults? Is it one of those things that everybody does, but nobody talks about or will admit to? It wouldn't surprise me in the least these days. There are plenty of shows I watch that some people wouldn't like..and some that other people do.

Here's my list of shows I watch regularly. Make your own judgement.

Charmed
Will & Grace
The Closer
Bones
Drop Dead Diva
Army Wives
Desperate Housewives
Brothers and Sisters
Grey's Anatomy
Las Vegas
Hannah Montana
Good Luck Charlie
Wizards of Waverly Place
Suite Life on Deck

The four at the bottom are the ones that people tease me about.

So tell me what shows you all watch that people might make fun of you for. I'm interested to know. Come out of the television "closet" and tell the world by putting them in the comments section below...I dare you! I promise you'll get no judgment from me! :-)

Movie Hype and that sort of type

I think that the Twilight series may very well be more popular than religion! The amount of advertisements I've seen in the last few days is incredible.

Next week, almost every movie theater on the island will be running a Twilight marathon starting with the original Twilight movie, immediately followed by New Moon and then Eclipse starting at 12:01am on opening day. So people will be able to see all the movies one after the other. I do have to say that this is a pretty cool idea and it's something I might just consider, but HOLY CRAP!!! Practically everybody is sold out and its like a week away. Do these people really have nothing better to do in their lives than to spend 9 straight hours in a movie theater in the middle of the night?

So here's my summer schedule as far as movies go:

Twilight
The Last Airbender
The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Then Harry Potter in the Fall.

Notice that I didn't put specific dates near those movies. Because I really don't care to be the first person to see it or anything. I just want to go see them at some point. Tickets for Eclipse have been the prizes of radio stations for the last week and thousands of people called in. I was one of them because I wanted to see if I could even get through.. NOPE. Busy signal the entire time. The funny thing is that people are going to be lining up at the theater for probably at least 12 hours before Eclipse starts, which seems to be the custom with movies with that much popularity. But then I sit here and I think "Are these people nuts?" Because I bought my ticket on Fandango 2 weeks ago and when I get to the theater, I'm going to skip right past the people who have been waiting for hours and use the automated ticket machine. I sure do love technology, especially when using it gets you dirty murderous looks from people. It's just a movie people, chill.

The Last Airbender is a different story though. I would wait all day for that one. It's based off a Nickelodeon show called Avatar. It's an anime type show and it spanned 3 years to get the entire story across. I'll be very interested to see how they can get the entire story into one movie.

Now for the Sorcerer's Apprentice.... Well I've always been a fan of Nicholas Cage so to see him as a wild eccentric is going to be quite amusing for me. All three of these movies are playing within a period of 2 weeks. So I'll be pretty busy the first couple weeks of July. I've been looking forward to these movies for over 6 months.... but no... i'm not going to wait in line for 12 hours.

I'll be sure to take some pictures of the people waiting in line and see how many people brought tents and sleeping bags etc.

My New Design

I'm so excited to have discovered the new template editor app. Now this looks like a real blog.

So back to me! lol.

So I started out that wonderful workout routine and I lost 18 lbs. The only problem is that since Scott deployed, I haven't really had the time to get to the gym. Thankfully I've kept the weight that I did lose off.. I'm trying to still eat sensibly so we'll see how that all works out. I still intend to get back to the gym. My goal is a much leaner body by the end of summer.

So tell me how everybody else is doing? What is going on in all the other places in the world?

Please use the comments section below to tell me!! :-)

The choice!!! To be vegan or not to be vegan

Recently I was having a drink with someone and he had a discussion with me as to why I eat meat and that I should immediately cease the practice. Personally, I was brought up eating meat. I know all the details on how it's processed, I've seen videos of pigs being slaughtered, I've personally seen, first-hand, the egg farming facilities. And I still eat meat. I feel we've grown into a society that not only accepts the killing of these animals, but it downright encourages it.

My point of view is simple... It's the natural order of things. Sure, back in the day it was more widely accepted to kill an animal and eat the meat for survival, however these days there are other options. One can make the transition to an all vegetable diet and live a long and happy life. I however do not feel the same. To go completely vegan would change practically everything in my life. I went to culinary school and nearly everything I know how to cook requires some sort of meat or meat by-product. Among many things, I'd have to give up beef, chicken, pork and any other type of direct meat product. Then I'd have to give up eggs, cheese and milk. That then rules out pancakes, cookies, cake (even angelfood), MOST cake frostings, yogurt. Want cream cheese on your bagel? Too bad. Lox? Nope! Butter? Hell no! In fact I would have to give up many brands of grains and vegetables and switch to strictly organic because many products are fertilized with cow (or some other animal) manure, which would associate said items with meat. You can't even eat Jell-O. At the simple concept of going vegan, I've taken the liberty of suggesting some recipes that be taken for development by someone. Make them into something delicious and we'll talk.

Bean Curd Brownies
Soy Omelete
Eggplant cookies
Tofu Frosting
Puffed mung bean cereal


There are some that might argue that plants are living organisms too. And brutally harvesting them and subjecting them to high temperature cooking is not only unethical, but inhumane. Those who wish to shake a fist at us who eat meat should really look at themselves in shame for killing some of the oldest inhabitants of this planet for their own selfish reasons. Or perhaps they see these brutal acts as necessary for their survival. Hmmmm... makes you think doesn't it? You can't survive on this planet without killing SOMETHING. Take vanilla for example. Few people know that it comes from a specific breed of orchid. This orchid is a beautiful color and smells so delectably of vanilla. But nobody knows this because they're only interested in the end product. Many vegans will only wear clothing or buy textiles made from hemp... now excuse me, but WTF??? Since when did cotton become an artificially manufactured textile? Oh yes, that's right..It hasn't! BUT some people believe that it's better for the earth to use hemp exclusively rather than disturb the poor cotton.

These ethical extremists are responsible for SO much violence in our world. Bombing establishments for serving meat, throwing paint on people that wear fur. Now I agree that we shouldn't be skinning the poor animals in the name of fashion... but seriously...do you think paint is going to solve anything? Let me explain how this works. A rich person who has more money than any one person should have buys a fur coat. PETA freak throws paint and ruins coat. Rich person goes out and buys new fur coat. In throwing the paint, this PETA activist has essentially killed another animal, all by their own doing because they think that they're helping. The rich person who now has a red painted coat isn't going to have a sudden change of heart and realize that killing animals is bad, she's going to go out and buy herself a new one because she has the money to do so.

So perhaps PETA should spend less time punishing those who eat meat or wear fur (though I agree with the fur) and spend more time trying to pass legislation that would establish certain standards for the treatment of animals that are being farmed for food. Perhaps we could establish that these animals be free range and not forced to live their lives in confined spaces. Perhaps they would be fed better food.

I'd also be interested in taking a poll to ascertain exactly how many PETA members support the death penalty for those that commit murder. My guess is NONE. So if they do not support the death penalty, why are so many of them willing to kill for their cause? Don't they understand that killing people for eating meat or wearing fur is EXACTLY the same as the death penalty? The only difference is that killing people in defense of the poor meat is ILLEGAL, but the death penalty is a LEGAL course of action in some states. I think they should spend more time on the legislation rather than taking matters into their own hands. I think they'll get more accomplished.

Intuition... the most accurate thing in the world

Well, once again... i was more or less correct in what I thought. I wanted more. He didn't.

Men... God's greatest mistake.

Confusion after the green monster

So it's another day and I still don't know what to think. I'm probably jumping to conclusions as I tend to do. But there was so much talk leading up to this weekend... All week long it was "when are ya gonna be here? are ya off work yet?" "i'm soooo hungry".. part of me felt like he was more excited that I was bringing food than he was to see me. I've run pretty much every scenario through my head as to why there might be greasy hand prints on his headboard and they all lead me to the same conclusion.

I sent him a text shortly after I left asking him "is it me or did things seem kinda weird this weekend?" I haven't yet gotten an answer and I can't help but to think that he isn't going to answer me. Of course, that's just jumping to conclusions again. In all likelihood, his phone is on his nightstand and he hasn't looked at it yet.

I know he wasn't feeling well this weekend, and that is probably why things felt weird. It's just hard to like a guy so much and feel deep down that you don't think the feeling is mutual.

I can't tell you how many times I almost brought up the subject of "us" and what we are; dating, just friends, etc. But each and every time, I was afraid to ask. As up front and as straightforward as I like to be, some things I'm just afraid to talk about for fear that the answer might not be the one I'm looking for.

The deployment continues

So Scott's deployment has been underway for about 2 weeks now, give or take. Lynn and I have adjusted to it pretty well, but we both fear that the worst is still to come with matthew. He has gotten a bit more rebellious since scott left... trying to get away with more stuff.. It can be a bit overwhelming... Susan tells us that it's only going to get worse around the one month mark... we shall see... I totally dread the one month mark at this point though. LOL.

I have taken to spending the weekends away from the house because it allows me to truly take a break from the children. It's the only way I can maintain a bit of sanity in my own mind. I know that Lynn is going through this too, and I need to be a bit more willing to help her out outside my normal hours, but I also don't want her to get upset with me when I refuse to work on sundays. she keeps asking, even though I firmly stand by the fact that it is my unconditional day off no matter what. Unless there's some sort of emergency... but mani's and pedi's don't count, no matter how bad you need them.

I was a little sad that EVERYBODY got a 4 day weekend for memorial day... except me... I worked both friday and will be workin, more than likely, the whole day Monday, Memorial Day. It kind of sucks because I generally try to take time during Memorial Day, no matter where I am to go to a parade, or partake in some sort of event that shows respect for those that have fallen. This year I'll be tending to the children.

It's only been two weeks and it seems like it's been so much longer. I wonder how weird it will be when he comes home.

Does the little green monster really truly exist?

So I find my self (finally) in the situation where I'm dating someone... at least i think so. We haven't really had the discussion as to whether or not we're just friends or we're dating, and we certainly haven't gone as far as having the talk of exclusivity. We've been seeing each other for about a month and he seems to be pretty secretive about his life. I try to tell him as much about my life as he wants to know, but I don't know much about his beyond his likes and dislikes or where he works.

Now like I said, it's only been about a month, and we don't see each other during the week because of my work schedule. But that fact aside, i spend every weekend at his house. We sleep in the same bed, we cuddle, we kiss and all seems well.. but so far, he has dodged every sexual advance I have made with the exception of one, which went unreciprocated. I finally got him to reveal that last night he just wasn't in the mood... this leads me to believe that he is just not that sexual of a person... fine... but then explain to me the greasy handprints on your headboard... there are two of them and these hands are much smaller than your own. All signs point to him having somebody else over in that bed, and I don't think they were just cuddling... so why is he doing these things with somebody else when I have been trying like hell to get him to do them with me? I don't know... but it seems to make me jealous that he is sharing one of the 2 biggest things I want from him with somebody else.

Now all that being said, we haven't had the talk of whether or not we're just friends or dating, or what we are for that matter. And there has not been any talk of exclusivity or anything, so I really don't know what to think... I just know what I feel and I feel that he is hiding that part of his life from me becase he would much rather be sharing it with someone else.

Call me crazy!! LOL... I'm just really insecure about relationships having been completely non-stop single for over 3 years (more like 5ish). I tend to question everything when it involves somebody i'm possibly dating. I question why they aren't as open about stuff as I am, I question why they didn't want to hang out last weekend... but some things set off more than red flags than others, and I think that's why I'm feeling even more apprehensive about persuing this relationship any further. I know that my mind could be put at ease simply by talking to him about it... but some people are extremely put off by those conversations especially so early in the relationship and I'd be way too afraid to screw things up, especially if he felt they were going well.

But like I said..once again, we've only been "dating" a month or so... so who knows where this is going to go... I guess only time will tell. Part of life is the experience. We revel in the good ones, and learn from the bad ones, so I'll take whatever I get.

Remember what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

BTW, please use the comments section. I would like as much advice as I can get. Thanks all!

~S~

The deployment begins

So my brother, Scott deployed this morning on his 4 month tour aboard the USNS Mercy. I surely thought I'd be able to handle it, but seeing how it affected Matthew (my nephew) got me all choked up inside. It's going to be an interesting summer without him here. Most of my friends on the island are also part of this deployment, so I'll also have the entire summer with mostly no friends...the concept is a little scary to me. We shall see how it all goes.

Vacation's End

Wow, it seems like time has gone so quickly. I feel like I dropped my them of at the airport just yesterday and my vacation is just starting. I, of course, know better. Mid-day Wednesday they come home and my vacation is over. I have had lots of fun though. I spent time at the beach with Meredith, Susan, Steven and Meredith threw me a birthday party. They even made me a cake. It was wonderful. Meredith and Chris went out for drinks with me...I had a few too many....or was it just enough ;-) Meredith and I went to the beach. We both got sunburned... her's turned into a tan in about a day whereas mine lasted a week and peeled. I've spent time on the northshore, the southshore, watched movies, cooked lovely meals and just relaxed. It was the best vacation spent at home that I've ever had.

Now life, it seems, will be returning to normal. Matthew and William will resume their normal day to day schedule with me and Scott and Lynn will return to work on Monday. But I've spent all this time off doing what I want every day. It's going to be difficult to get back to catering to the kids' needs, but I'm sure I'll adjust just fine.

I've made a few friends too, which is exciting in and of itself. I can't wait to get to know them better. Over the next month I hope to plan many many outings with them. This summer I want to go hiking every chance I get and spend all the time outdoors that I can. I also need to find a second job to make more money. I need to save as much as I can to move me back to the mainland when Scott and Lynn move. I still have no idea where it is that I want to go, but I have my dream destinations, my dream house and my dream job. I, of course have to do much more thinking into what exactly it is that I want. Dreams are easy, you can change a dream, but what happens when you're living it and you realize that it isn't what you wanted at all?

When I'm right, I'm right

As much as I love being right, I sometimes hate it too. This guy that I was referring to in last weeks post, well he did exactly what I predicted, thus turning himself into yet another statistic. He started pulling away, calling less and less, until finally text messages and/or phone calls go unanswered. I wish I could say I was surprised by this, but no...he behaved as expected. Oh well, that just means there are more people out there for me to make predictions about. lol. I'll keep you informed of my progress. :-)

The Vacation

This blog has been boring. Why should it be so baby-centric? From here on out, this is NOT going to be about them...these are the Nanny Journals, so guess what? LET'S WRITE ABOUT THE FRIGGIN NANNY!!! The previous posts about the kids, and parenting and childare...yeah, they're going out the window. They'll be deleted very soon and this will become strictly about me. How cool is that? Perhaps I'll finally get around to posting pictures.

With that said...I'm FINALLY on vacation. Scott & Lynn took the kids to Seattle for 11 days which means I have 11 days of freedom... but with that begs but one question...I'm on vacation at home...where I live...what the heck do I do that I haven't done already? To answer that, we have Susan and Meredith. My two very good friends that I've recently made. Susan has 2 kids of her own and Meredith works with my brother in the band. Both girls are wonderful to be around and they just brighten up my day.

So during this little vacation there are a few special occurrences. First, Easter...Which I pretty much spend alone except for the hour or so I met up with Susan and had some lunch at the NEX food court. Today is Easter, btw..I've been on vacation for exactly 1 day thus far. Tomorrow is the other special day...My birthday. Now that's going to be interesting. I haven't heard much talk about it...my birthdays have been somewhat disappointing in the past...like last year, my mom came that weekend, but I wound up having to take her to the airport and say good bye that day. It was sad. The year before that, mom flew up and spent it with me, and that was nice. I enjoyed that... but there have been several in the past that were spent mostly alone...and that's never good... But anyway, this one, I have NO family whatsoever to spend it with. Susan and Meredith are making dinner for me tomorrow night and then we're supposed to be going out to the bars and drinking....I do not envy the hangover I'll likely have the following morning, but I digress. I think I'm going to have a lot of fun.

Believe it or not, this is going to be my first visit to a bar in Hawaii since I initially moved here in July of 2009. I'm mildly terrified, but we shall see how it all turns out.

As for the daytime of my somewhat unplanned day, there is a guy I've been talking to. We met at one of those cliché online dating websites. We met last week when he came over for a walk. He's in the military, thus we have to be somewhat discreet, but not too much so...nobody really knows who he is, and nobody really knows me, so who cares. Anyway, on Monday he agreed that we could spend Sunday (today) together because he was off work. Well guess what... he was too hungover to do that. On Monday we had also agreed that we would be spending Monday the 5th, my birthday, together. I have yet to see if that one is going to happen. I have to say though, I fully expect that he's not going to. This would place him in the same douchebag category as almost every other man I've attempted to date over the last, I don't know, LIFETIME! What I expect is that we met, we kissed, we said goodnight, and he thought in the back of his head that he wasn't sure about me, so he dismissed any though all together. This, in turn, makes him pull away and cancel plans, or (what I expect he'll do) just stop communicating all together. It would not surprise me in least which speaks of how much luck I've had dating in the past.

But alas, I shouldn't snap to conclusions quite yet as it is only Sunday night and I don't know if he'll be coming over yet or not. The only way to find out is to sit and wait and see.

For my night as of now, let's say goodnight. Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters should prove to provide a wonderful evening. :)

G'night all!!

~S~